I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize