so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
