A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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