bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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