He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
