We're facebook friends in real life
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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