so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
