I think i peed on brittanys purse
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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