the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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