do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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