sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
