Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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