it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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