Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
