i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize