and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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