if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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