I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize