Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize