the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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