wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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