I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
