just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
