After last night, I could never be a politician.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She's better-looking with the mask on.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
