my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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