In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
