Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
