It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
