I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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