I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
