Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
