that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize