I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
