Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
