I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
