dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
