I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
