you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
