I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
