if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
