A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize