I puked a lego.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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