Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
