Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
