Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Two words: nipple clamps
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