I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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