I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
