I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
