A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
