i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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