who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
