Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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