So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
