Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
