You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
