I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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