You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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