Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize