my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
