OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
