Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
