Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
