I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
