and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
