Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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