Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize